WHAT IS A FRIEND?

During this time of quarantine and social distancing things are hard. Maintaining certain relationships are hard but people make it work. I’m not in a romantic relationship but i’m in friendships with a lot of people.

This period for me is a way of the universe revealing who will make it to the next chapter in my life with me. At this point my heart is shattered to pieces and i have really been struggling with the fact that i have to let go of my best friend. 

I know the question you’ll be asking is WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?? Well bitch let me tell you lmao. I was asleep one fateful day last week and my best friend…my fucking best friend came to my house to hangout with my brother. Now mind you, i have not seen my best friend in over 3 months but she found a way to come hangout with my brother late at night i my house while i was there without notifying me or mentioning it or even letting me see her.

You might be thinking this is not a big deal!!! I know i know …but the principal is there. You cannot make time for me your friend but you can make time for my brother aka potential dick.  Like she has literally been trying to fuck my brother and damn near succeed like fam i now have to drop her. My brother has a girlfriend and i know about his hoeish way but i cannot sit with the fact that it’s with my brother. At this point, i have to drop her.

I have been struggling with myself like am i okay? Am i a mean person? DO i deserve people in my life?? Why can i not ever keep a “friend”!!! My sister said to me…you go into FRIENDships whole heartedly and with a clear conscience only wishing the best for your friends. When they are happy, you are happy with them. When they are sad, you are sad too. When they are hurt, you want to fight for them…You are too loyal to them that you do not see what they are doing wrong or how they are jealous of you. 

In my head, i have nothing i feel anyone wants but somehow some way my so called friends end up being jealous. I’ll admit, i did see some signs and chose to ignore it. Always making things about them even when it’s not about them.

Every friend i have dropped along the way, ended up showing me a side of them that everyone saw and i was just to blind to notice. I absolutely hate when something or a situation makes me doubt myself or feel little and insignificant. It hurts and i am not okay right now. I still don’t have an answer to my question so i leave you with this…What is a “FRIEND”?